Well, I guess I should post again if only simply for my own personal record keeping...I can't find my real journal at the moment. But yes, I am now 20 years old, good bye teen years. I definetely don't feel like a teenager anymore, but i'm not sure i quite feel like an adult yet either. I think I have a pretty darn good life, getting a scooter, doing good in school...so I really have no excuse for being such a mean and bitchy person...i'd hate to think that I'm really just naturally this way, but it does seem to be the way some people look at me. This is where I start playing mind games with myself while trying to discover my real motives for doing the things I do...I mean can't we just decide why we do things or is there some kind of unstoppable force driving us? If something annoys you....you point it out right? But what if it's something that doesn't bother most people...are you just being annoying then? How do you tell someone nicely that they are doing things that annoy you, especially if you care for that person a lot...or is it just better to ignore it and try not to be annoyed by it?

>.> well this is turning into pointless ranting...overall, I had a really good birthday. Nothing really exciting happened. I might be getting a new job, which is cool though. It was a day to just sit back and reflect on all the good things that have happened to me and all the good things that I have, and how much I underappreciate it all. I hope that in the next year I'll be able to let everyone know how much I care about them and also...to really let a certain someone know how much i care about him...but...and I know it's wrong of me but I can't help being disappointed that I didn't get the one thing I wanted for my birthday...but you can't just expect things of others without telling them what you expect...Overall, so far this new year in my life I realize that my family really loves me and even though we don't always get along...they never hesistate to be there when you need them. I feel more so now though...that I'm not really wanted...and that somewhere along the lines I've created a dark shadow for myself...that will always make people assume the worst about me and my intentions...in a way I also bound by this shadow to start to believe these things about myself as well.

Well, I doubt anyone is going to take the time to read something this long, but to anyone who does, thanks for taking the time and I appreciate you.

Even with depressing thoughts, I feel like this is going to be a good year...I never let it be anything else anyways...